20 signs you’re a market researcher

20 signs you’re a market researcher

iModerate Author

Aug 14, 2013

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Market Research(A light-hearted list of the truths that typify the incomparable professionals who make up the greatest industry in the world)

1) You know that an IHUT is not a dwelling for Apple employees.

2) When asked a question, you respond with a question.

3) You know it’s not the size of your panel that matters, but what you can do with it.

4) You’ve introduced your friends as respondents.

5) Telling people you’re not eligible to take their survey because you’re in the industry gives you a rush.

6) You can spell Honomichl. (Wouldn’t Jack’s Top 50 have been easier?)

7) You’ve called yourself a pollster because you think it sounds sexier than researcher.

8) You have tried to recruit from such sample population segments as mixed ethnicity tea party Gen X’ers who remove the tag from their mattress.

9) You’ve had to convince new acquaintances that you are not personally responsible for calling them at home during dinner.

10) Your favorite rap video is Listen to your brain by Dr. Neurofocus.

11) You know that a Monadic design is not a type of wallpaper.

12) Your morning news team is Lenny, Annie and Tom.

13) You’ve defaulted to telling your older relatives that you send out surveys because it’s just easier.

14) When people ask about Big Data you tell them you know everything but unfortunately you have to keep it a Big Secret.

15) You are excited to find out what made the cover of Quirks this month.

16) You’ve thought about the horrific possibility of a research civil war between the Quants and the Qualies.

17) You can get lost in a good data book.

18) You know that an industry as powerful and complicated as ours cannot be governed by any less than 10 associations.

19) Vague terminology like “a lot”, “pretty good” and “I think so” makes you extremely uneasy.

20) Your gut feeling is to do research on your gut feeling.

What other signs can you think of fellow researchers? We’d love to keep growing this list and could use your help!

iModerate Author

  • Funny… thanks Adam. Adding from the qual side:

    You can never pass a large mirror without the feeling you are being watched.

    You call a bowl of M&Ms “dinner”

  • Adam Rossow

    Nice ones Frankie!

  • Alejandro

    Another one…

    You know a regression is something more than only a resource of your favorite therapist.

  • Scott W

    How about “you’re given a copy of a Marketing Analytics book, and actually are looking forward to reading it?” I must say that happened to me last night. Research on , fellow MR geeks!

  • Great stuff, Adam. Bob Lederer sent me here, so you better get read to edit #12. I’ll add one for your next list, “If you think phone call monitoring has nothing to do with the NSA.” 🙂

  • Philip A

    You know a double-blind test is not something done at the optician’s

  • * You’ve ever asked your child, “On a 1-10 scale, where 10 means ‘Completely Satisfied’ and 0 means ‘Completely Dissatisfied’, how was school today?”

    * You don’t believe a single statistic you see or hear in the news because you know with 100% certainty that, whatever the statistic, it is being misinterpreted. And, besides, you know how the data were collected because you (or someone you know) worked on the project.

    * You know that it is, “data were collected”, not “data was collected.”

    * You laugh at people that claim that their research is “unbiased”.

  • Sue

    While your siblings are unhappy for the dinner-time phone calling you single-handedly cause, they ARE grateful to be able to honestly opt out via the security screen. Enjoyed your list, Adam!

iModerate allowed us to not only connect with this hard-to-reach audience but to get a deeper understanding of their feelings on the subject of public service. iModerate promised at the outset to expand and clarify the quantitative findings in a way traditional online survey research has previously been unable to, and they delivered on this claim. As a result, we were able to expose the emotions shaping the perceptions of the class of 9/11.

Marc Porter Magee, Partnership for Public Service